Not often in my life has there been moments of "aha, I get it!" But on occasion something in life comes along and changes your entire perspective and what can only be described as glimpses of reality amid chaos. Two of these moments came to me as Lilly and my family have been hurdled into this chaotic normalcy we now find ourselves in. The first one came to me during the first few weeks of Lilly's diagnosis. When Lilly would cry on my shoulder in pain saying: "Dad, why do I have to do this... Can't it be someone else's turn?". I could only reply with tears swelling up in my eyes: "I would Lilly... if I could... I would!!!" It was in that moment when I gained that "aha" perspective of just how difficult it must have been for our Heavenly Father to watch his son Jesus Christ, our brother, suffer so exceedingly and know that he could do nothing. Even when Jesus prayed so earnestly saying: "O my Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me...", Heavenly Father knew he could not "fix it" though he had the power to do so. That has been the MOST difficult part of this for me, me being the "I can fix that" person that Lilly knows me for and not be able to. I have gained more understanding on Gods love for all of us and learned that I must trust in the Lord and have faith in his plan.
The second moment came not so sudden but gradually as each day passes and I watch how Tiffany and Lilly's relationship has strengthen. Watching Lilly rely on Tiffany for strength, comfort, and security and how Tiffany has found by the grace of God the added strength she needs to be that anchor for Lilly. But, not only an anchor for Lilly but to Emery as well. I realized that all mothers have the amazing power within themselves to strengthen those closest to them. My thoughts turned to Jesus' Mother Mary when she was watching him upon the cross and Jesus called out to her saying: "Woman, behold thy son!" Oh, how awful that must have been for her to watch her son upon the cross, but how her presence must have given him strength in his last moments. I know that Tiffany has strengthened Lilly, Emery and me even though she may feel weak, stressed and overwhelmed she has managed to receive her daily bread from Heavenly Father and shared it with us.
It's in those "aha" moments that I realize it's God's plan for us and that we are his children and that he LOVES us and is constantly watching over our every moment. Though Friday-Saturday were challenging days filled with physical pain and unyielding emotions, and although I can't "fix it", he has given us Tiffany, the Mother of my children to strengthen us.
So what is a mother? A mother to me is Strength given to another who is facing opposition. Someone who puts others needs above her own. Someone who teaches and inspires us to be better than we are. Someone that is willing to do anything for their child even if that meant given up her own live. There have been many wonderful Mothers in my life that have given me strength when I needed it most. So, may I express my love and gratitude first to my day to day strength, Tiffany, and secondly to all those that have helped Mother me into who I am today.
Thanks to all those Special Mothers in the World!
What an amazing and beautiful post you wrote Jay. Tiffany is an amazing mother and you are all very blessed to have her go through life with you. I'm grateful for my awesome sister-in-law. Happy Mother's Day Tiffany.
ReplyDeleteSo wonderfully written. When I lived in Utah Tiffany was a constant example of a great mother. She has this beautiful heart for nurturing and loving her family. When I just came to visit I am so amazed to watch that strength she has inside. To face this trial will so much grace and selflessness is truly amazing. She is truly a example to us all. Love you Tiffany!
ReplyDeleteThanks for making my cry on mothersday. Kidding but for reals you did. Tiff is the bomb!!!! On every level. You're all so lucky to have her. I love her!!! It was so sweet to read this. You're so great Jay!
ReplyDeleteJay what deep and eternal understanding you have. I love those aha moments, when you understand with spiritual eyes and realize that you knew this long before. You know there is a deeper reason why as a father or mother that you can't fix what Lilly is going through. Even though you want to you must not or cannot. If you could or did then just like the atonement being stopped you would stop all of Lillys eternal progression and just like our eternal father he couldn't do that. Just keep hanging in there and being that solid foundation for the women in your family to rely on!!!!! You have the use of the Priesthood, the greatest blessing and gift that All US MOTHERS, DAUGHTERS, WOMEN Need. What a perfect husband, father you are.
ReplyDeleteWell said.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful. Many prayers and love for your beautiful family.
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