Week from... Well... You get the Idea!

Often when you sit at home with kids in bed it's a time of peace and quiet. Well, I'd like to say that this was one of those weeks, but sadly it was not. This week was a rude reminder of just how fragile our family is. I came home late every night after is visited Lilly in the hospital or Emery at grandmas house to a house that was eerily quiet and empty (with exception of the dogs). I wandered aimlessly through the house longing for my girls to be home to fill the rooms with laughter and child's play. My thoughts turned to the song from Les Miserables, where Jean Valjean sings "Bring him home". The lyrics speak of a boy, but I found myself replacing that boy with my Lilly to describe the feelings I have been having for her and her battle against cancer.

As was previously described in a post Lilly has had very trying time this past week. Let's recap shall we. She's had a total of 5 platelet and 4 blood transfusions in 11 days. One of which she had a rare reaction to and peed dark red blood. She's had an echo-cardiogram, chest X-ray, abdominal ultrasound to which they found 4 gallstones, abdominal X-ray, urinary yeast infection, rhino-virus (common cold), and the irregular oxygen saturation (breathing patterns). Oh and who can forget the 2 fevers which brought her to Primary's. She also had a sleep study done to check her oxygen issues. So much happened in just a short amount of time. And yet Lilly never ceases to amaze me with her positive attitude. Sure she's been scared... So have I, we all have,  but with knowledge of what's happening she handles things better than most adults. 

Wonderful Dr.'s and Nurses

The ability to tell Lilly what's going on is extremely helpful.  However, that same ability of instruction and understanding becomes more difficult and nearly impossible for my dear sweet Emery. Oh, how hard is it to see our little Emery's eyes quiver with tears as we rush Lilly to the hospital and leave her behind. Sometimes for days or weeks at a time. I know she's in great care, but my heart aches every time as I look into my rear view mirror to see her blow kisses as we say goodbye again and again. Wondering if she understands why we have to leave so sudden and if she knows how much I love her. That same heartache comes as I watch my Lilly endure poke after poke and excruciating amounts of pain. So much pain that she has to be carried from her bed to the bathroom. Or as I watch Tiffany fight back her tears so she can be brave for Lilly as she endures the many complications of her treatments. It's extremely hard to watch each of your family members suffer so much as Lilly faces her internal battle against Cancer. Oh, how I long to have normalcy and have all my girls under one roof with no fear of each moment that passes. So, glad we're all home now. Maybe not fear free, but at least we're home.

Les Miserables, "Bring him home"

God on high, hear my prayer.

In my need you have always been there.

(She) is young, (S)he's afraid.

Let (her) rest, Heaven blessed.

Bring (her) home.

Bring (her) home.

Bring (her) home.

(S)he's (just) the (girl) I ... have known

(Since) God had granted me a (girl).

The summers die, on my own,

How soon they fly on their own.

And I am old and will be gone.

Bring (her) peace, bring (her) joy.

(S)he is young. (S)he is only a (girl).

You can take. You can give.

Let (her) be. Let (her) live.

If I die, let me die.

Let (her) live.

Bring (her) home.

Bring (her) home.

Bring (her) home.
(words added by Jay)